Kakkerlak

When you haven’t a thing to do

No one near with a quiet ear

When everyone looks a pale shade of blue

Who do you turn to?

Walking with your head to the ground

All your hopes are floating down

You’ve got nothing to hold around

All you can is dance and

Shut everybody out

Oh! Sweet nothing, you haven’t any at all

Oh! Sweet nothing, had your love thrown against a wall

And she’ll write down her mind at night

While The Shins sing her soul to sleep

The boy just wants somebody close

But the lovers toss him out on the street

Oh! Sweet nothing, they haven’t any at all

Oh! Sweet nothing, had their love thrown against a wall

(And then I kind of just pluck away a diddy ha)

 

If someone else knew what a kakkerlak is I’d probably give them a gold star and a kiss.

Yeah right…

Lose big

I’m standing between two roads.

One leads down a path of self fufillment, loneliness, and solitude.

The other, dependency, devotion, and dire guilt.

I just think I need someone.

I need him so much closer.

I’m through with oblivious individuals that haven’t a clue about emotion,

Passion,

Sentiment,

Maudlin displays of affection (Okay, well perhaps not that)

I’m through with denying the fact that I am one of these sad individuals.

I’m finished with caring whether or not I am acceptable.

I’m finished with contemplating whether or not you think of me, as I you.

I can’t stop listening to Strawberry Swing.

It’s enlightening and innocent quality inspires so much intrigue.

Coldplay is definitely contributing to this rant…

You fail to notice the fact that I may be beginning to fall for you.

Ah, fuck it.

Love this song/film

Fondness and Endearment

Totally unfinished and completely lame…

 

Can’t fake it for too long

Smile, bite my tongue

As I remember ways it could go wrong

but I’m waiting without doubt

that you might make it out

while resentment showers out and down

 

I never know why I remain

Ignoring her disdain

clinging strong onto the blinds of shame…

 

Concerning The Shins, and the burning question: Will this song change my life?

When I think of music, I think of it more so as an escape from reality; where lyrics and melodies underscore truth, resolution, and emotions through ambiguous connotations. I look, well bring my ears, to music for mutual understanding of my personal matters or simply to wind down. My tastes vary from my mood or time of day, however, I am partial to musicians of indie/folk genres.

Which bring me to The Shins. I remember my cousin telling me of a band he heard in a movie. He explained to me that this song “New Slang” will change my life. Me being a typical conformed ignorant 6th grader hadn’t a chance to see this particular film in which the band was featured prior to the discussion and figured he was just rambling about another one of his wannabe grunge bands with a lucky hit. We all know now the film of reference, the indie-music infested, awe-inspiring motion picture Garden State, and now know that I was sorely mistaken.

Five years later, I naturally have all of The Shins albums, even vinyl, and of course, a copy of Garden State. I have yet to see/hear them in person, however, it is on my Aspirations and Dreams list. James Mercer is now a demigod in my eyes, spewing lyrics which could rather be called poetry. In addition, they are one of few bands I still give respect after reaching a particular level of commercial and artistic success.

Their newest album, “Wincing the Night Away” has gone under current scrutiny and subjection to fans claiming the album to be a dramatic change of the band’s established sound. I initially agreed with this standpoint after first ear to the album, however, my thoughts quickly changed after further listening and dissection of the compilation. I do agree with some fans’ opinions of the “Alice in Wonderland theme” correlating with the album’s storyline where a boy falls asleep in ‘Sleeping lessons’, meets a girl in ‘Australia,’ and they begin their descent down the rabbit hole (‘Red Rabbits’) with ‘Pam Berry’.

The burning question referenced earlier may be up to debate amongst fans, however, this Shins fan’s life has been changed for good.

Enclosed are lyrics from the opening song on “Wincing the Night Away” urging younger generations to cross the lines of the “norm” and accepted attitudes instilled by older generations and, “the old guard” that still offends.

Sleeping Lessons

Go without
‘Til the need seeps in
You low animal
Collect your novel petals for the stem

And glow
Glow
Melt and flow
Eviscerate your fragile frame
And spill it out in the ragged floor
A thousand different versions of yourself

And if the old guard still offend
They got nothing left on which you depend
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood
And off with their heads

Jump from the hook
You’re not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life
And they got no right
As sure as you have eyes
They got no right

Just put yourself in my new hooves
And see that I do what I do
Because the old guard still offend
Their pudgy hearts and slimy hands
They’ve got nothing left on which we depend
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood
And off with their heads

Jump from the hook
You’re not obliged to swallow anything that you despise

Dandy Warhol

I don’t want to admit it, but I’m alone. Loneliness would completely sum up my life right now. I hate my job, I don’t feel free despite the fact I’m currently on a two month vacation. I wish I could be more hip and cool. I wish people could actually want to talk to me and not have to talk to me. I wish I’d be more honest to myself and face the fact that I’m probably going to be alone at least for the next dragging two years of my life. Tis’ inevitable. I hate being alone. My neck fucking hurts, feels like a baboon hopped on my back and bit into spine. All I have is the project. The project that I conjured to battle all this shit. It’s there when I feel insecure. It’s haunting behind me whilst relishing happy moments. It ’s constant and oh, how I require consistency. I like the word “indie kid” instead of “hipster”. Hipster was the chosen vernacular for the old counterculture, which died. I wish I didn’t live here. Everything happens everywhere else in this damn country. No one wants to visit Florida, ironically coined the “sunshine state”. That name’s a low lure to encapsulate waywards in suffocating humidity, eye-blinding sunshine, and mind-numbing desolate “cities” without a god damn thing to do. I wish I could be smoother, as in the accepted vernacular for witty, I use plenty of lotion.

The Rollercoaster Ride

Today was one of those incredible days when you forget everything: drama, problems, worries, all of those morose aspects none desire to dwell upon. This week has been up and down. My grades are satisfactory, at least enough for me to relax for a bit. My friends are another story. I’m pretty much beginning to lose sight of the reason I’m friends with some. I finally realize I can’t stay close friends with people who take what I say so seriously, I mean really, if you are my friend my verbalizations take processing. They’re 90% fluff and garbage, and I only have serious conversations with people I feel worthy enough to divulge. My apologies blog, that was a bit pretentious. All I’m concluding is that I am starting to notice some people’s insecurities and it’s shocking what lengths some go for security and dependency in others. And for those few people reading this as gossip, generally my blogs are self reflecting even when I discuss “other people’s” problems, so kiss off.

She’s given up on the world and is ready to go

Looking out the window at the city below

Looking out the window filled with fun and sorrow

All this trouble brewing kept her inside

All this worry kept a free mind

This pre-production without insight

This final taping without rewind

All this trouble kept her inside

All this trouble kept her inside

You’re hanging from the balcony upon the riverboat glass
You’re watching with your mouth wide open for the top of the class
She came on with the boys while you were stuck in various poses
If you were to remove your clothes do you think the singer would notice?

I’m a hermit

I’m extremely introverted this week. Monday and today were a bust… I just want to drive on through to the weekend where I can finally enjoy some peace. Being alone for once doesn’t sound all that menacing at the moment.

I will never

I’ll never be able to say everything that I want to, will I?

Conundrums, Conundrums, Conundrums

I’m so confused right now. I think Keri thrusted a carbon copy of her problematic situation onto me. I am just committing such tragically immoral crimes mentally. Thank God I don’t act instantaneously on all of my emotions. I just wanted it to be us tonight. I’m such a selfish asshole but seriously; how long does it take for two people to get sick of each other. Sufjan Stevens please speak to me! Voice everything through the speakers and tell me just what to do, and what is the correct piece flowing through this massively muddled brain of mine. I feel absolutely disgusted at the fact that I actually possess the faintest version of envy somewhere inside myself. I feel awful. I mean Kristen knew this was going to happen, but really why now? I hate this I just want to go to sleep and wish it not to happen. Well I don’t entirely regret thinking things, but just not now. I’ve been told to just bottle it up, bottle it up until you run out of glass.

Summer and the Whale

The whale in question being none other than this dreadful, goddamn week in my path to a pristine sand and ocean infested spring break. And of course, I hit myself in the face with the fridge door and look retarded; lets hope that doesn’t hold a bit of symbolism. Not to mention, ironically it being Easter and all, I’ve felt the most distant from my religion. Leave it to the public school system, and my incessant need for sleep on Sundays. This weekend was pretty glorious minus the Max-less aspect. I’ve been inspired by some new faces, resulting in the fact that I am more fond of Canterbury kids than ever. I just need to get through this week, partially alive, and I will be free, free, free! Aside from the people I enjoy, kiss off St. Pete! Hello Dunedin and Clearwater Beach!